A Month of Writing

National Novel Writing Month participant

Whew, it is quite the month, writing wise. Going over the first edit from my editor, for my upcoming book, Mentoring Boys to Men.

And, then, I jumped into the National Novel Writing Month project. The goal: bang out a rough draft of a book, at least 50,000 words, in the month of November.

That seemed, at first, formidable. It still does, but it is becoming doable. It has taken some organization, and the guts to just start out, getting some words down, and moving ahead. I follow my rough outline, but then, as the Muse inspires me, I start to really tell the story of my young man in prison, and his adventures, trying to find some sanity in his life.

It is going well. I remind myself that it is a draft, that I will revise it and probably rewrite a great deal of it. But, it is started, and it is moving ahead. Eight more days, and only 11,000 words to go. That means I’ve written 39,000.

I’m OK with that!

The Book Cover is Here!

Yes, the book cover is here, almost done.

Moving forward to getting my book out in December…

Talking about my book…..

“After years of working in law enforcement, I found that we always end up dealing with the same people over and over. The problem is that we dont take the time to engage in conversation with that person to find out where the source of the problem really comes from. The book was an eye opener for me and I think that more people in law enforcement should take the time to read it.
“I have found that author to be a great person for opening his heart and mind to these young men that see no future for themselves.
“Great job in mentoring and sharing your stories.”

–Alex Ramirez, Clark County (Washington) deputy sheriff, jail release program, talking about my forthcoming book, Mentoring Boys to Men: Climbing Their Own Mountains, to be published in December, 2014. http://facebook.com/NealCLemery

A Thought About Mentoring

“Teach them the quiet words of kindness, to live beyond themselves. Urge them toward excellence, drive them toward gentleness, pull them deep into yourself, pull them upward toward manhood, but softly like an angel arranging clouds. Let your spirit move through them softly.”
― Pat Conroy, The Prince of Tides

When I mentor, I seek to listen, and to respect them, and honor their voices. Perhaps for the first time, they are listened to.

I’m being mentored, too. I have sent my book manuscript to an editor and have begun the publication process at CreateSpace, at Amazon. The kind folks there are gently guiding me through the process. I hope to see the book out in the world at the end of December. More updates to follow, on this new journey in life. Mentoring Boys to Men: Climbing Their Own Mountains will soon emerge from my cocoon!

The Beginning

Planting today, for the next two hundred years
redwoods, in a big circle, last spring’s cuttings from our first tree, now
today’s baby trees, barely a handspan high,
hands moving them into meadow dirt, next year turning into a bit of forest,
into a circle of young trees, reaching upward to the sun.

In years to come, we will sit here, sipping wine
noting the growth, encircled by ancient tree genes,
primordial shapes, afternoon light, timeless
circle of green against late summer sky.

Digging, shovel into sod, into the last of summer’s grass,
New rain coming now, time to dig and plant
before darkening gray clouds open, Fall moisture
turning summer dryness into redwood haven,
roots going deep, and out, coming home.

Wind picks up, and roots now covered,
everything ready for the coming rain,
my work here, done, for now,
making home for new trees, new forest,
for those to come, generations away,
summer evenings to savor.

Neal Lemery 9/30/2014

Fifteen Gratitudes

Several friends on Facebook have asked me to list three things I am grateful for, and to continue that for five days.

I’m a bit of a rebel, so I am not following that format, but still making my list of fifteen things I am grateful for:

Family. No, not the biological family, necessarily, but the people I am close to, those I feel a kinship with. They love me, without condition, but also with loving criticism and support. They speak up when they feel I need a lesson, or some encouragement, or need to, perhaps, change direction or reconsider my point of view.

Friends. Real friends. Friends who speak the truth, who are there for me and will sit with me, in silence, when times are hard. They are present in my life, and offer me unfiltered and true wisdom and fellowship.

Nature. A continual experience of beauty, simplicity, peace, and a constant reminder that I am part of the Universe, part of the cycle of life, part of a Plan that remains a mystery, but also a constancy in my life.

Growing older. I am continually reminded of the Cycle of Life, of seasons, of cycles and rhythms, and thus, a sense of order and place for myself in the Universe. “This too, shall pass” puts a lot of problems in perspective and helps me move on, not sweating the small stuff, and being able to handle the Big Stuff, as well. With age comes experience, and wisdom, as well as lessons that need to be relearned.

Community. In life, there are others there to help, to support me, to offer something as simple as friendship, a sense of place, a sense of belonging. I am part of a Greater Whole. And, in that, I have my own unique role to play. I am important, as well as being part of something bigger than myself.

A thirst for education. I am eager to learn, to take in new information, new ideas, new perspectives. In that, I grow, I expand my horizons, I gain a new perspective. In that, I give myself permission to discard old ideas, old viewpoints, and see the world as being in motion, being dynamic. When I learn, I change, and thus I find the change to not be so hard, because when I change, I grow.

Music. When I immerse myself in music, I find rhythm, cadence, and connection. I find voice, and I find ways to express myself, digging deep into emotions. Listening, playing, being caught up into the moment and the experience of music, I am connected, and I find a big part of myself. In that, I discover new ways of thinking, new approaches, and I grow.

Real, purposeful conversations. Real, honest, uninhibited conversations with others, exploring new ideas, learning of the experiences of others, and how they connect with the world, how they relate, and, in that, being challenged to look at my own ideas, my own experiences, my own purpose of being here. I often get this when I am mentoring young men, but I welcome such rich experiences anywhere, with anyone.

Getting out of my comfort zone. I find new energy when I move out of my easy chair, my usual way of looking at something, finding new ideas, and challenging the old ways. I don’t easily embrace change, but change makes me move on, makes me throw a few of my old ways, stale ideas, and old habits, out the window, making room for something new, and hopefully, something better.

Ancient ways. Be it the lighting of a candle on a dark evening, or telling stories around a campfire, or sharing the rhythm and fellowship of a drumming circle or a walk on the beach, or taking in a sunset, or kneading a loaf of bread, there is comfort and space to grow in doing something primeval, just like my ancestors did. I connect, and feel a peace, a comfort, away from the hectic craziness of modern society.

Art. Making art, experiencing art, letting those voices and those experiences spend time with my soul, letting that expression speak to me, and giving time to let that soak in, become part of my life, part of my experience. In that, I find peace and a sense of purpose that goes deep down into the core of my soul.

Sleep and rest. Quiet time. Time to muse, reflect, slip into my Dream World, putting aside hectic activity and just Be. Away from the distractions and noise of modern life, I connect to being truly human, truly a child of the Universe.

Modern communications, the Internet. Yes, it can be and is distracting, noisy, interrupting of old rhythms of the day, but this is also an incredible source of knowledge and education, and connecting with people, despite geography. This can be a curse, but it is also a blessing, and a great means of being connected with others.

The kindnesses of strangers. Every day, I have experiences where others are kind, generous, helpful, appreciative, supportive. I try to acknowledge that with them, and also with myself. I am grateful for such kindness, and I hope to believe that being kind of part of our humanity, and part of our culture.

Being able to recognize that I am grateful for so many things, that I can express my thankfulness, and to be appreciative, and that others value gratitude and believe kindness, thankfulness, and gratitude are essential, and deserve to be recognized, and celebrated.

8/28/2014

S’morefest

It didn’t seem like a big deal. Go to the store and bring the fixings for s’mores, enough for the guys at the prison camp, a couple of staff members, and me.

I was going to bring my guitar and sing some campfire songs, but time got away from me, the day turned hectic and I didn’t have time to go back home and get my guitar and songbook.

I shouldn’t have worried. The evening wasn’t about campfire songs and providing some entertainment. It was all about just getting together and doing something fun, about trying something new, and hanging out, just to hang out.

There were some nice coals and a bit of a flame going in the half barrel barbecue outside by the picnic table. Several young men laughingly grabbed my grocery bags out of my hands and began ripping open the bags of marshmallows, shoving them onto the willow roasting sticks.

My buddy, the staff member, was there, tending the fire, and teaching S’mores Making 101. He was the organizer of this festival, wanting to show these young men a bit about relaxing and having a good time, how to just hang out and be themselves.

Soon, a dozen sticks were thrust over the coals and the flames, and young faces focused on the miracle of marshmallows turning from white to toasty brown, and, sometimes, into small torches of sugary crunchy blackness.

Gooey marshmallows soon melted chocolate onto graham crackers, and were stuffed into eager young mouths. There was more laughter, young men slipping back into boyhood, with big smiles and eyes bright with the excitement of s’mores making. Some boys looked around, not quite sure what to do, how they should act.

After all, this wasn’t organized, like lining up for chow, or going to school, or even going out on the work crew, or off to wood shop or the garden. There weren’t any rules here, any protocol or prison regimen. The only expectation was to just hang out, have a good time, and roast a marshmallow on a willow stick.

“How do you do this?”

“I’ve never made s’mores before.”

“What do we do?” a young man asked, looking lost, unsettled.

I handed him a willow stick, and asked him to stick a fresh marshmallow on it.

“Here. Now hold it over the coals, and let it slowly turn brown.”

He looked at me, a bit puzzled.

“Really?”

“Yeah, then when it gets brown, we’ll take a graham cracker, and smash it all together, with a piece of chocolate. The marshmallow will melt the chocolate, and it will turn into a sweet, gooey mess. You’ll love it,” I said.

“I’ve never done this before,” he said.

“So, how’s your day been?” I asked, drawing him into some small talk. We were supposed to just hang out, after all, and just have a good time.

The tension in the group eased off a bit when the first s’mores were made, and popped into questioning, suspicious mouths.

“Oh, man. That’s good!” the guy first in line at the fire said, his words muffled by his first bite into his sweet chocolate, marshmallow, and graham cracker sandwich.

“Yeah, told you so,” a staff member said, chuckling at the sight of the first of the Doubting Thomases at the s’mores roast.

Some guys still hung out at the edge, not sure what to do, not sure of what was expected of them at this new event in their lives.

“What do we do now?” one guy asked me, a look of worry crossing his face, a bit of melted chocolate daubed on his chin.

“Just hang out, have a good time,” I said. “Just have fun.”

“Oh. Uh, OK,” he answered, hesitant, still a bit antsy about this new activity in his life.

“So, what are you working on in the wood shop?” I asked.

He eased up, and began describing his project, and how he’d figured out the design, and found the right kind of wood, how the teacher showed him a new way of joining the pieces together, so that his box would be stronger, and complement his design.

Other conversations filled the air, as the guys mingled with each other, and went back for seconds and thirds on their desserts. One guy talked about a camping trip he’d had when he was a kid. A few guys just shook their heads.

“Never did that,” one guys said. “But, I will. Some day.”

Other guys talked about the deer they saw the other day back behind the tree farm, and the eagles that would soar overhead some days, high above them as they worked in the trees, or mowed the lawn.

The last of the graham crackers and marshmallows soon disappeared, and the chocolate was ancient history. A few guys were browning up the remnants of marshmallows off of the willow sticks, playing in the last of the coals. They picked up the last of the night’s gooey mess from the sticks with sticky fingers, murmuring their contentment with tonight’s dessert.

The evening light began to fade a bit, and the young men began to wander back inside, getting ready for their showers and bed time. It was time for me to go, too, my mission accomplished.

“That was a blast,” one young man said to me, as he helped me clean up the wrappings and stack the willow sticks by the barbecue.

“I never knew what s’mores were,” he said. “And just hanging out, having a good time around the fire. That was really fun.”

“Can we do this again?”

8/17/2014

A Letter to My Son

Dear Son:

It was a good visit yesterday!

I’d like to give a bit of fatherly advice.

You are now of an age and in a place where you can truly be your own man, your own boss.

Write down your short term goals and your long term goals and dreams.

Then, each day, make a list of tasks you want to accomplish today. One of those tasks should be something that advances one of your long term goals. Several of those tasks should be something that advances some of your short term goals.

If you work ten minutes a day towards a long term goal, then you will ensure that you achieve that goal.

Check off your accomplishments. At the end of the day, update your list, mark off your accomplishments. Even doing something that is part of a task is an accomplishment. Be proud of moving forward. Be proud of the direction you are moving in.

You are a man now. You get to decide who your friends are and who is your family. You get to decide what kind of relationship you have with family. You define who is family.

Just because someone is biologically related to you doesn’t mean you need to keep them in your family. Family is how you define it.

You will always have some sort of relationship with your mother. But, you are the guy who decides what that looks like and how that works. That is pretty much what you do about your relationship with your dad. You have decided how that is, and you make sure you protect yourself and work through all those feelings about your dad.

Same with your mom. Your job is to protect yourself and to make sure you have a healthy relationship with your mom, whatever that is. You decide. You set the boundaries. Don’t let yourself get hurt, or let her run your life. You are in charge of running your life. You are the boss, the manager.

Figuring out our relationships with our parents is tough stuff. I am still doing that, and both my parents are dead. Yet, I hear the old voices, the old ways. But, I am the one who decides what I listen to, and how I respond. I am the boss. I have the power.

You are smart about relationships and about feelings. You have the power, and you have the brains about all that. Put your learning to work. Do what is best for you. Only you get to decide what is in your best interest.

You are the only one who really knows what is best for you. Practice self love and self care. Protect yourself from giving other people permission to hurt you and to make you feel bad.

You have done very well as you have grown up. You have new skills and new power. You have self confidence, and self esteem. Keep up that good work. Move ahead, and go in the direction you want to go in. Be proud.

No one else gets to run your life. You are in charge. Do what is good for you. Go live your dreams.

Take those hard steps, and move in the direction you want to go. Don’t try to please other people. But, please yourself. Do what is good for you.

You are surrounded by people who care about you and who support you in all of this. Use that energy and that support.

Believe in yourself.

You are finding your power in what you are writing. Be proud of what you know and what you are feeling, and what you are dreaming. Go where you need to go.

My job is to be a cheerleader, and to believe in your dreams, and to support you in the direction you want to go. I don’t get to run your life, and no one else does, either. Don’t worry about what I think. What really matters is what you think, and where you want to go. What really matters is what is best for you.

If you need a tool, ask for it. You live in a place where there are lots of tools. You live in a place where people believe in you and support you.

Anything is possible.

All my love,

Neal

Healing, Listening, a Morning’s Task

“As healers we have to receive the story of our fellow human beings with a compassionate heart, a heart that does not judge or condemn but recognizes how the stranger’s story connects with our own…. Our most important question as healers is not, “What to say or to do?” but, “How to develop enough inner space where the story can be received?”
—Henri J. M. Nouwen

A Morning’s Task

He overflows, and I try to empty my self, making space,
opening to the geyser of his soul,
him sharing, his story, his
lifetime of pain, terror, loneliness,
now becoming words spoken,
feelings finally heard, honored
through his voice, my listening.

Listening, without judgement, without my views,
my biases, my edits, just
listening, letting him share his story,
and all its agonies, twists, and turns.

Him, finding his voice, now, sorting it out,
making some sense to it, seeing himself
the hero in this tale,
the good soul he really is
becoming.

An hour, then another, and into the third,
and he speaks on, now finding the words,
and the order in the telling, seeing his life
as his own story, of survival, achievement,
yes, even success and good coming from all that chaos and pain.

I listen, hard not to judge, not to be the commentator,
just simply being there, ears and heart
open
accepting, present in his life.

And, in that, a gift to him,
in my humanity, my soul’s journey, Everyman’s
need for someone to listen, to hear
for the very first time—
this becoming my gift to him, his first time
being heard, hearing his
truth.

—Neal Lemery, July, 2014

Gratitude…

This is excellent. I am proud to know Dean as a friend.

Dean's Footprints

I’ve often wondered when we experience those moments of what we think are feelings of completeness if we truly embrace and live in that moment. Those times are such a blessing, and I often wondered if I let my heart guide me through out that day.

I think about all that I’ve been given and have experienced. I am truly blessed. There have been times when I’ve been the luckiest man on earth (at least that’s how I felt at the time), and then there were those times that my heart was hurting so bad that I thought I was closing my tear drenched eyes for the last time. In retrospect, although there were some emotional highs that tainted my physical vision, I wouldn’t change a dang thing. The experience(s) made me who I am, and I embrace those lessons. Never forgetting to take into account that history will “always”…

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