My Ten Minute Rule

by Neal Lemery

(published in the Tillamook County Pioneer, 5/27/2022

I try to live an organized, purposeful life, with some guiding principles and an action plan. My “to do” list should be close at hand, current and relevant. If I don’t keep myself organized and on track, at the end of the day, I feel lost and useless, adrift on my own sea of inaction and idleness.

We can easily get overwhelmed with too much information and too many demands on our time and energy. Distractions are everywhere, and I can find myself in “response mode” with depression and anxiety closing in rather than “take action and get something done”.

I strive to be an instrument of change. If I get caught up into the “news” and become mesmerized with the crisis of the hour, I become merely reactive, and I don’t get anything meaningful done. I can’t change the news, but I can change how I respond to it. I can change my world, my culture. I can make a real difference.

Today’s Seth’s Blog offers some insight in how each of us can be an instrument, an advocate for true cultural changes and shifts. While there are many good things about our society, the “news” tries to focus me on what isn’t working, what is “bad”, what agitates and stirs me up to feel impotent and angry. I want to reject that attitude and instead focus on what positive actions I can take to move ahead in this world and help move the world a better place and me a better citizen and human being.

“The people in the news and at the podium get all the attention, but they’re a symptom, not usually a cause. Everyday people aren’t the bottom, they are the roots, the foundation, the source of culture itself. We are the culture, and we change it or are changed by it.”

“From peer to peer

“Change happens horizontally. What do we expect from others? What do we talk about? Who do we emulate or follow or support? What becomes the regular kind?

“…

“But the people who are consistently and actively changing the culture are not easily distracted. One more small action, one more conversation, one more standard established.

“The internet would like us to focus on what happened five minutes ago. The culture understands that what happens in five years is what matters.

“Focused, persistent community action is how systems change. And systems concretize and enforce cultural norms.

“If you care, keep talking. Keep acting. Stay focused.” https://seths.blog

This week, I focused on self-care, and took myself to the “Mexican Modernists” exhibit at the Portland Art Museum. I’ve long been a fan of Frida Kahlo and Diego Rivera, their art, and their passion for social change and activism. Their art was a strong and effective voice for the working class, and for social change during and after the Mexican Revolution (1910-1920), which heralded economic and political reform. Those times offer us a striking parallel to current events.

These artists gave voice to revolutionary social and economic ideas, and sparked a cultural reformation that engaged a generation of reform and rich conversations about the future of Mexican culture. Their influence spilled over to the USA, with Rivera’s public murals in our cities instigating controversy and debate about the power of the elite, the attributes of American culture, and indigenous people.

Their art, their advocacy, and their willingness to speak out on issues is a mirror to our society’s issues today, and gives us some effective roadmaps on what we can do to examine and reform the current culture and political climate of our own times. Yes, artists not only give voice to our culture, but also direction on what we can do as individuals to make the needed changes and to increase our own awareness of what we need.

For myself, I have my “ten minute rule”. I can do most anything for ten minutes in the day. Why not take that little snippet of time, a mere ten minutes, and do something that supports change and growth. It may be some moments of personal reflection and writing, or music making. It may be a rich conversation with a friend, or writing a supportive note on a card and dropping it in the mail. It may be doing some gardening or art making. It may be showing up in the community and doing some volunteer task that makes life better for others. It doesn’t have to be splashy or exotic, but over time, every day, that work, that attention adds up and starts to make a significant difference in our world. Just ten minutes.

My only criteria is that the task needs to attend to a long term impact on something that’s important in our culture. “Just show up” is the guiding rule for this work. Every day, like the Chinese proverb about how a steady, seemingly insignificant drop of water erodes the boulder, over time.

I sometimes call this work my “guerrilla social activist” work, doing something behind the scenes, and making a difference, instigating change. (5/27/2022)

A Day of Kindness

–by Neal Lemery

I had a big dose of soul medicine and human kindness last week. The experience restored my faith in humanity and the power of unconditional love. I saw my community at its best.

A friend invited me to Homeless Connect, a community effort to provide basic needs to those among us who find themselves without shelter and other necessities.

The weather was bitter. Cold winds blew and temperatures were in the 20s at night. It wasn’t so rough that the local warming shelter would be open, but it was still promising to be a miserable night.

My task was to be the greeter and the poll taker as folks left.

“Did you get what you needed?” and “What could we do better?”

I met a steady stream of people, people of all ages and circumstances. I didn’t know their stories, and that kind of personal information was thankfully unwanted. We simply welcomed everyone who showed up and took care of basic needs. The red tape of bureaucracy was nowhere to be found. We did keep track of how many people came, as those without shelter are nearly invisible in our culture.

I saw a lot of smiles. Their pets were cared for, vaccinated, and fed. They had a hot meal and haircuts, were tended by health care providers, and connected with services by nearly every social service agency in town. They could pick up clean, warm clothes, blankets, sleeping bags, shoes, coats, tarps, and tents.

They made connections, not just with people and agencies who could offer a helping hand, but also with each other.

I saw connections made and strengthened with friends, family, an abundance of job prospects and housing tips. There was a spirit of fellowship and camaraderie filling the church gym where we had all gathered.

People were helping people, giving a helping hand, a ride, ideas and where to get help for a particular problem, connecting with others who cared. There was dignity and love.

It was an afternoon of suspended judgement and the absence of loudly voiced opinions and political rhetoric, blaming and stereotyping. Instead, it was a time of getting the right size of winter coat, a sleeping bag, a bag of food for someone’s dog, a haircut, a hot meal, and a tip on a decent, safe place to pitch a tent.

Everyone helped everyone else. No one left without something to help them take better care of themselves, make their lives a little easier, and a feeling that they were an important part of the community.

Community. That was the unpublished message of the day. People had generously donated the food, clothing, bedding, pet care, medical care, and an afternoon of services to reach out to and help their fellow community members.

There were great conversations, interactions on problem solving and connecting people to each other, sharing resources and knowledge, being human and acting with kindness and compassion. There was respect.

The sun moved lower and the cold wind off the mountains pushed deeper through my coat, reminding me that night was coming. The people I was talking with were slowly drifting away, off to spend this night sleeping on the ground, with maybe only a tarp, a tent, and a sleeping bag to ward off the frosty air, and the loneliness of yet another night without permanent shelter.

I struggled to relate, to comprehend their lives.

I knew that I had a warm home to return to when my volunteer shift came to an end. There would be family to greet me, a hot meal on the stove, a comfortable chair, a good book, a warm, clean bed, and a bathroom with hot water and clean towels. I would not have to move on when the sun came up, putting all of my possessions into a plastic garbage bag, and maybe a backpack, and wondering where my next meal was coming from.

Also at home would be my assumptions about life, about meeting a person’s basic needs and how people live in our community.

I assume a lot, yet I’m complacent, ignorant about how so many people in our community live, what they don’t have, and what they can expect in the days to come. I find myself too often acting blind to the dilemma of such need in a society where some are wealthy, and there is an abundance of necessities, yet out of reach of so many.

For that afternoon at least, there was compassion, service, charity, and a common fellowship of people helping each other, of making lives more comfortable, more bearable. Another cold winter’s night was coming, and dedicated community members had made a small effort to help ease people’s circumstances, maybe helping them step forward into better times.

I learned, again, that in our humanity, it is not difficult to act with kindness and compassion. If I suspend judgement and comparison, if I try to walk a mile in another’s shoes, then I can look at the world with greater understanding.

And, I can renew myself, and again be connected to the true purpose of our lives.

2/4/2019

Living In A Strong Community

Living in a Strong Community

–by Neal Lemery

“One of the marvelous things about community is that it enables us to welcome and help people in a way we couldn’t as individuals. When we pool our strength and share the work and responsibility, we can welcome many people, even those in deep distress, and perhaps help them find self-confidence and inner healing.”
― Jean Vanier, Community And Growth

I’ve been taking a look at my community, and wondering how we measure up, in these challenging times, when some are wondering if our society is in decline.

Here’s a checklist of seven attributes of a healthy community:

Good governance
Walkable, connected, mixed-use character
Parks and gardens
Partnerships
Programming
Neighborhood-responsive schools
Tree culture

–Scott Doyon

Being in community is vital to my own mental health and emotional well-being. Given the continual national stream of tragic events fueled by racism, prejudice, bigotry, and selfishness, I often feel the weight of despair and hopelessness. I am increasingly more sensitive to reaching my limit of how much of that “news cycle” and horror I can be exposed to.

Much of that angst is relieved when I immerse myself in building up my community, and being present with others who are caring, selfless people engaged in taking care of themselves and each other in these turbulent, emotionally exhausting times.

In my town, we are doing it right. I think we get high marks on Scott Doyon’s list of a healthy, engaged community.

In the past three years, the state highway department has funded a major revamping of the traffic pattern (our previously confusing junction of two major highways), narrow downtown streets, and a dilapidated, underused waterfront.

This week, we are celebrating the completion of that project, as well as other efforts by the city and the business community to rejuvenate and invigorate the downtown, making it a welcoming and prosperous town.

Now, we have new sidewalks, a smoother flowing traffic pattern, a town pedestrian plaza, bike paths, a food truck cart center, bike racks, a fresh look in two waterfront parks, and a walkway encouraging people to walk to other parks and attractions. New bridges span the slough at the north edge of the downtown. New landscaping adds a fresh, inviting look. The local restaurant scene is vigorous and inviting. Open mics, featuring local musicians and writers, are now the norm.

Downtown merchants have also gotten on board, with renovations, fresh paint, and interesting shops. We have a number of new downtown events, including a monthly Art Walk, a thriving community art gallery, and a museum which not only showcases local artists, but a continuing schedule of regionally renown speakers and presenters.

Community organizations are thriving, and numerous activities are filling up the community calendar with a wide variety of events for every interest. New ideas are being discussed, and plans are underway for even more activities and ways to build a healthier community. We have a “can do” attitude now.

Our “Year of Wellness”, a public health collaborative to focus on ways to improve individual and community health, has brought together the entire spectrum of health service agencies, government, and individuals to collaborate on improving public health and a sense of community spirit. We are challenging ourselves to live healthier, more informed lives, and doing it from the ground up. Grass roots activism at its finest! We’ve decided a year wasn’t long enough for the tasks we identified, and now the work is seen as long term, with increasingly challenging and meaningful goals. Community wellness is now part of our collective experience.

The library is spearheading the building of a new downtown park, and library programs are enjoying wide popularity, engaging the community on a variety of experiences and informative activities for all ages. Public use of the library is setting records.

Teachers are developing state of the art educational experiences for students, and we are becoming increasingly well informed about the impact of childhood trauma, domestic violence, hunger, and addiction recovery.

The best part of all this is that we have a sense of belonging here. Each of us is important, and each of us is a valued contributor to the common good, the whole community. An individual has something unique to offer, and is a valued, unique player in the common effort. I feel I belong here, and so do all my neighbors.

In this town, one person makes the difference, and others listen to their voice, and value their experience, their perspective, and their talents. And, we have the will power and the courage to take on the difficult, ugly issues that our community, and the nation, has. Much of the work is hard, and the tasks are daunting at times. We don’t always achieve 100% success, but we are trying and we see a lot of progress in what we are trying to accomplish. And, that feels really good.

In this town, there is hope, and there is a sense of collective purpose. We are committed to be winners, and the changers that create a better world. Now, we are a town of optimism and determination.

Community partnerships are everywhere, knitting together our community fabric in a fresh spirit of resolve and collaboration. There’s an attitude of “get it done” and pitching in to just do it.

As my friends say around town, “Onward!”

A Day of Giving

“This country will not be a good place for any of us to live in unless we make it a good place for all of us to live in.”

Theodore Roosevelt

After Thanksgiving sales, Black Friday, Cyber Monday and all the other sales promotions overflowing my e-mail inbox, now I’m reminded that today is the “Day of Giving”

Just today? And, the giving should be a check, or better yet, a credit card payment to some charitable organization far away.

“Give today! Make a difference! Click, click, and you’re done.”

“We make it easy for you.”

“If you send us money, then your charitable obligations of the season are done. Duty fulfilled. Then back to your holiday consumerism and frivolity.”

It’s like the paying of indulgences in the Middle Ages, to buy my way into Heaven. I’m hearing Martin Luther remind me that handing over my pieces of silver isn’t where we should be going as a country.

Isn’t every day the day of giving? And the need is right in front of me. On the way to the coffee shop, I drive past the homeless person, standing in the rain, needing a meal, a job, a dry place to spend the night, maybe just someone to say that they care, that this person matters and is part of our community.

There is a line in front of the community library, waiting for it to open. People who need a warm, dry place, maybe some computer time so they can apply for a job, or connect with family, maybe just to be with others, or a good book to read, or a conversation.

There are other needs in my town, and I don’t have to look too far.

This time of year, the loneliness of jail and prison weighs heavy on many of the young men there I know.

For one young man, this month is the anniversary of his dad’s overdose and his best friend’s suicide, and his reoccurring nightmare of the aiming of the gun, the pulling of the trigger, and his own screams. His family doesn’t come to see him, and the playing of Christmas carols makes him cry.

I can’t give him much, and I can’t bring him peace. But I can sit with him and hear his story. I can praise his hard work and his rebuilding of his life. I can honor his plans to be an EMT, and thereby make the world a better place.

I have the gift of time with that young man, and our time together brings me joy. And perhaps that can give him some peace.

Each of us has the gift of time, the gift of compassion, the ability to listen with an open heart.

The Day of Giving — shouldn’t that be every day? Shouldn’t we take the time to say hi to our neighbor, to speak to someone at the grocery store or the post office, to genuinely inquire as to their well being, their soul?

The real giving doesn’t show up on my credit card bill or my tax return. The real giving is that few minutes a day we can choose to really engage with someone, to put forth some real care and concern, to love our fellow humans.

Genuine giving is so much more than some artificial “Day of Giving”.

“What are we here for? What is the value of our lives?” Those are the questions of the season.

The real giving shows up right here, right where we live, every day of the year, every day of our lives.

—Neal Lemery 11/29/2016