By Neal Lemery

                                                (published in the Tillamook County Pioneer, 1//9/2025)

This community’s latest lesson in morality and integrity has come from members of the Tillamook High School girls varsity basketball team, who expressed their views and outrage on their athletic experience and coaching. On their own, they spoke out and gave word to their concerns, giving us a lesson in sportsmanship, athletic integrity and personal courage. Such lessons often come from our youth, who have been observant students in our community’s lessons on doing the right thing.  

They are being courageous, and living their values.  They are stepping out of their comfort zone and taking a stand. I’d argue they are doing what they should be doing in that work, being congruent with how they should be living their life, how they should be acting as citizens, as the next generation of moral leaders, of living an ethical and purposeful life.

Some may disagree about the facts, or how to respond.  But, the issues have been raised, and we are all challenged to respond, and to weigh our own moral and ethical actions. By raising these concerns and asking these questions, these young athletes have shown their courage and their integrity. They are leaders and I thank them for taking these concerns head on. I’m proud of those kids.

            This is a good time to be asking those questions of morality and justice. Those are the questions we as a community need to be asking, need to be discussing.  Are we doing the right thing? Are we teaching others to lead, to be honest, open, to be people of character and integrity? Do we truly grasp the essential purpose of having an athletic program?

            They have given us much to ponder, and deserve our thanks for putting this issue on the community table. Such questioning is truly one of the fruits of the spirit and purpose of athletics.

            How do we teach these invaluable values? How do we parent, coach, lead and thereby pass on our sense of integrity, morality, and sense of seeking justice and mutual respect.  These students have raised those questions, and have caused us to think. How do we respond?

            Listening to Jimmy Carter’s grandson eulogizing him at the National Cathedral this week, I was reminded of the importance of being present, of parenting, teaching and doing all that with honesty and integrity.  

            Jimmy Carter did that around the dinner table, at the fishing hole, and in the woodshop as he gave leadership and imparted his values to his grandson.  The grandson listened, learned, and internalized that.  This week, he put that education to use, sharing it to the nation, and spoke his truth to our political leaders and a country seeking to deal with memories and legacy of a president, and a man who lived his faith and values in the world.  

Jimmy Carter made a difference and, in this time of political and social turmoil and instability, I’m wondering what we’ve been missing, what do we need to learn again.  I’m looking for that moral compass, and social standards. I’m looking for leadership.

Looking back on how I’ve helped raise my sons, I keep wondering and evaluating what I did right, and what I did wrong, what I missed out on.  I’m realizing that the real magic, the real work happened not when I was in my lecturing mode, wearing my disciplinarian hat, my “tough father” attitude.  What really worked was teaching by example, the telling of my day around the dinner table, how I dealt with some ethical dilemmas and conflicts, how I lived my life, where the rubber meets the road.  In those times, the real learning, the real imparting of parental wisdom and guidance occurred.  That’s when I was really doing the work of preparing young men for a healthy and fulfilling manhood. I was growing, too, and shared my own growing pains with my sons. 

It was perhaps the best moments while we were in the car, where we weren’t “dealing with issues”, but just being friends on an adventure.  It was the time when one of their friends also sat at the table, and we were having a casual conversation, or when I was helping them with some homework, or offering them a safe place to spend the night, or sharing a funny story.  

            Kids today are under a lot of pressure.  Social media and the speed of technology has robbed all of us of those quiet, uncluttered moments together, when we aren’t compelled to be busy, to deal with multiple tasks, or cope with the pressure of bullying, peer pressure, the need to conform and “fit in”.  When I was a kid, some of the best times were simply lying on the grass, looking up at the sky, watching the clouds, and just being in the moment.  I don’t see kids doing that much now.  They’re busy responding to a lot of stimulation, and trying to fulfill the expectations of others to conform, to fit in, to excel at something.  

            But, I also see kids taking back those quiet moments, to standing up for their own values and ethics, to staking out a position on important issues, and structuring their lives so they can build their own morality, and occupy the higher ground of moral integrity.  The girls basketball team is a prime example. Recent news stories on the national and the local level are often the stories of personal integrity and taking moral stands.

            I’ll argue that most of us want to live like Jimmy Carter’s grandson did, having a grandfather who talked and lived a moral life, a life of integrity and purpose.  I could often disagree with some of President Carter’s political decisions, but I couldn’t discount that he acted with what he thought was a sense of morality and faith, that his decisions were based on what he thought was right, right for himself, and right for the country.  

            I suspect his grandson disagreed with him sometimes, too, and that they had heartfelt and deep conversations about what was right, what made sense for everyone involved.  I had those conversation with my sons, too.  We’d often disagree, with my sons often quick to point out the flaws in my arguments, with my actions.  It was a healthy debate, and I could see my sons sharpen their wits, solidify and sometimes, change their viewpoints.  The frosting on the cake was when I saw them have similar discussions with their friends. I would see my sons leading the educational moment, and instilling in their friends a stronger sense of morality and justice, and a sense of respect. 

            What are we teaching our kids today, and what should we be teaching them?  What do we show them by example, what are the values that we are showing them as they grow into adulthood?  In doing that, are we making our world a better place, are we training good leaders?  

Are we teaching our kids to be like Jimmy Carter’s grandson, who can stand at the podium of the National Cathedral, before the President and all the living ex-presidents, and the entire nation, and speak about moral values, character, integrity, and living lives that make a difference in this world?  

It comes back to each of us, a challenge to be the teacher, the example, to encourage others to examine their morality, their ethics, and to do the right thing, to be like the Tillamook High School’s girls varsity basketball team.   

1/9/2025