My new book, Recharging Ourselves: Strengthening Our Community Through Kindness, is now available at Amazon and Barnes and Noble.

We are all builders and architects of community. By telling our stories and the stories of our neighbors, we explore our community’s strengths and the tools to improve everyone’s lives. This collection of essays and stories celebrates rural America in the 21st century, and digs into the challenges we face. These essays also celebrate where we have come from and how we are going to further build our communities, inspire our youth and collaborate for a brighter, healthier future.

The book is an exploration of community life in rural America, examining mentoring, volunteerism, community action, relationships, nature, and education. I look at community life through the lens of civic engagement and empowerment of individuals to change community values and institutions. We are the forces for change. By telling our stories, and encouraging others to tell their stories, we come together, we become the builders and educators, the leaders for meaningful change.

From Catastrophe to Opportunity

By Neal Lemery

(published in the Tillamook County Pioneer, 3/11/2025)

Often, a disaster turns into a positive asset, and life improves, comes into focus, and good things emerge from the gray somber atmosphere of disaster.

Such change comes unexpectedly.

The Chinese character for catastrophe is the same character for opportunity.

There was a time in college that I had lost direction, adrift despite the abundance of good opportunities and challenges from my professors and fellow students. I was adapting well, mastering my subjects and, at least outwardly, achieving great strides in my abilities and my knowledge of my favorite subjects.

Yet, I was adrift, often wondering what I was doing there, and what direction I needed to take. There were a lot of possibilities, but I didn’t have a good sense of what was right for me. Everyone around me seemed content, hard at work, and feeling directed and motivated. Maybe I needed to take a term off, get a job, and get my act together, stop spinning my wheels.

During one Christmas break, one of my aunts suddenly died. We were all in shock, as she had been healthy, vigorous in her retirement, and embracing her passion for botany and nature conservation. Her heart attack on a hiking trail doing what she loved left all of us feeling lost, shook up.

She lived far away from me, but would visit several times a year, telling stories of her adventures and always bringing a special book for me. When I was little, she’d read to me, animating the story with her voice, her laughter, and her passion for kids. We’d have great conversations, she being a vocal advocate for education, reading, and bettering the community. “Being of service” was the theme of a lot of our conversations and letters.

Her sudden passing brought my “lost in college” questions to the forefront. I recalled her wise counsel, her urgings to me to make a difference, and do something in life. Reminiscing about her life and her messages to me brought my dilemma into sharp focus, giving me impetus to regroup, to rethink my intentions of why I was in college, and what I was doing with my life.

Mourning her death, and celebrating her life woke me up. I applied that grief into fuel to regroup, to have a serious talk with myself, and strive to make a difference in my life. There were some hard lessons on not realizing the value of a person in your life until they are gone. Having my aunt in my life made a big difference in my own life, and I resolved to continue her presence, her message in my life, and our relationship.

Her funeral was on the day I went back to college, to start winter term. The eulogies, and the story telling among family recharged me, and I began the new year and the new term with a revitalized focus, looking for possibilities and opportunities. I felt her spirit and vowed to remember her with my own zeal for making a difference.

Recently, a good friend passed away, and again I am shaken by this loss, this departing of a mentor, whose wisdom and talent were bright lights in my life. We’d met for lunch a year ago, telling stories, laughing, and, true to her form, mentoring me and calling me out to refocus and regroup. She’d plant seeds with me, giving me story ideas and action items, sometimes acting with such subtlety that I didn’t realize that her seeds were even in my garden. She was a master of “guerrilla gardening”.

She was a writer, capturing the joys and treasures in ordinary life, always aiming at celebrating the community she loved and cared for. She wrote about simple things, events and happenings, but always with an ear for the deeper message, the profound experiences of friendships and listening to our souls.

She was blunt, open, honest, and passionately cared about people. Her stories of daily life were much more than a casual observation. They were deep and profound, and the reader was often gently lured into her observations, not always expecting the strong message she had set out to convey. She got her point across, with love and humor, but also with a depth and intensity you didn’t notice until you came to the end of her writing.

There were many gifts in her writings and in our conversations. She was a literary craftsman, with a big heart. Kindness was her mantra.

My friend and my aunt would have been dear friends, soul mates, and I imagine they would find much to laugh about and comment on. My sorrow for missing my aunt is rekindled by my friend’s passing. I’m reminded that out of catastrophe comes opportunity.

In my grief, there is renewal, there is new hunger for opportunity, for change, growth, betterment. My aunt and my friend are still there for me, still offering their gifts, and their love, still teaching me, still changing the world.

3/11/2025

Towards Purposeful Work

(published in the Tillamook County Pioneer, 3/29/2023)

by Neal Lemery

“The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle.”

____ Steve Jobs

In every job I’ve had, I’ve tried to find purpose, joy, and a sense of worth. A worth in both the task and in shaping me into a better, more skilled and knowledgeable person.

“Did I create value today, did I make it better?”

And “it” has many different meanings. Did I improve my boss’ business? Did I serve someone well? Did my work better some condition or circumstance? Did the community benefit? Did someone else benefit or grow? Did I grow? Did I develop better skills? Was there value in what I did?

On a deeper level, did I advance myself, or others? Did I advance a better idea? Did I teach? Did I learn? Did others learn? Is the world a better place for what I did today?

Now when I fill out government forms, I say I’m “retired”, but that’s a misnomer. The nearly full calendar on the refrigerator and the to do list tells me that I’m anything but “retired”. I’m busy as I want to be, and that’s the real gift of retirement. The person who schedules my life isn’t someone else in the office. It’s me. I get the final say. And, if I don’t like what I am doing, the buck stops with me. My whining won’t play well on Facebook.

I do take the occasional day off, and I sometimes stop doing something simply because it no longer brings me joy. Hopefully we all do that, and we follow Steve Jobs’ advice, feeling free to be able to move on to better ourselves and the community.

Some friends who apparently don’t know me very well ask what is there to do in a small town. I can only laugh. While we have fewer people and maybe fewer outlets for volunteers and the ability to be involved than the big city, there seems to be unlimited potential to contribute, and to change the world, at least change my village.

As Margaret Mead said, “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed individuals can change the world. In fact, it’s the only thing that ever has.”

If I want to be rebellious or ornery (or, to be polite, “purposeful”), I’ll engage with just a few people, and foment a different idea or a radical thought or action. It might catch fire, and thereby change things. If I want a more satisfying life, or a better community, I need to look into the mirror and take action.

As we were leaving a now regular community event that several people had recently started up, a new resident remarked, “You need to make your own culture here.” Yes, in many ways if you want something to happen, it often starts with yourself, or your determination to find what you want to do right here.

We’re here to make a difference, and the time to act on that is today.

3/29/23

The Unexpected Conversation

by Neal Lemery

(published in the Tillamook County Pioneer, 3/10/2022

One of the often uncelebrated benefits of living in a small town are the seemingly random and unplanned conversations that occur at the grocery store or the post office.

A recent encounter at the post office turned into a deep and motivating conversation about how we help others by offering words of motivation and guidance. We shared the thought that just plain “paying attention” talk with someone who is struggling is sometimes life changing.

“It is just as simple as a few kind words, and some gentle expectation that someone can better themselves,” my friend said.

Small town life allows us to have these deep conversations, often with people we haven’t been connected to. That post office sidewalk conversation allowed both of us to share commonalities, to be better friends.

“I don’t have time for this?” I can say to myself. But, isn’t a small contribution to some social peace, to a person’s wellbeing worth a few minutes of my time? Checking off my “to do” list really isn’t all that important. Maybe the list needs a line item for “care for others today”.

What is our true work? Isn’t it nurturing the connections, weaving the fabric of community, the offering of support and comfort? I’m often overwhelmed by the rips and tears in the social cloth, the diseases of loneliness, despair, indifference, and depression. We often see the symptoms, yet often don’t focus on working on the cures. The remedies, the prescriptions for civil betterment are all around us, and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to access those and apply them to the maladies that are right in front of our faces.

Time, concern, relationship, and empathy are all in our first aid kits. We can be listeners and cheerleaders. Our life experiences have given us the knowledge and the tools to help others. We often forget what we know and what we can do to bind up the wounds of others, and to bring them into the heart of the community.

I can make time for these side conversations, the casual encounters. Those moments are often the treasures of the day, the gold in my life. If I don’t make the time to stop and chat, I’m cheating myself. I’m missing out on what could be a life changing encounter, or experiencing the germination of profound ideas. Isn’t that worth ten minutes of my time?

It is a two way street. Often, that casual encounter, that deepening of connection, boosts me, becoming part of my self-care plan for the day, opening up a door to help me move ahead on a problem, to grow as a person. Looking back on life, I often see the beginning of the needed change, the fresh insight, started with a few words on the street corner or the grocery store aisle.

Someone cared about me and stopped to talk, changing my life.

I’m a believer that encounters and good conversations are usually not random, but an essential piece of the work of the Universe to bring us together, in a place where the sparks can fly and fresh ideas can take off. At the post office, I mailed a letter, picked up my mail, and deepened a relationship with a friend. My task today is to pay attention, and to give space to allow that to happen, to be willing to grow. And, to be a force for change and healing, both for myself and the community.

3/9/2022

How’s the Family?

“They are fine, thank God. I can’t say that for my cousin, though, or my neighbor.”

The line at the check stand fell silent, the clerk pausing in her work.

“That used to be such a casual question,” she said. “Something you just said to get a conversation going. Now, that question goes to what’s in my heart today.”

Her eyes watered, and she wiped away a tear.

“I’ve lost a few relatives, my neighbor, and a couple of co-workers here,” she said. “There’s a lot of people I’m worried about, too.

The lady behind me, the one on the asking side of the question, took a deep breath and nodded.

“We’re in hard times, and I’m so grateful for my health,” she said. “But we don’t talk much about what we are all going through, with all the loss, all the uncertainty.”

“We have each other,” the clerk said. “We need to care for each other, and talk about our pain, and the grief, and all the unknowing, the value of family and friends.”

We looked at each other, nodding, smiling, sharing some deeply felt emotions that needed to be shared, realizing we were in sacred space and time.

The silence filled me up. I felt comforted, connected with people just like me — scared, fearful, and lonely. I was with my tribe, my people, my community. Simply acknowledging all that jumble of feelings was what I had been needing.

The pandemic, the isolation, the sense of disconnectedness, it is all the elephant in our community living room. We are all going through this together, and sometimes, you just need to put that into words, get it out there, and share our hearts with each other. It is what community does the best, bringing us together in love and compassion.

Published in the Tillamook County Pioneer 10/6/2021

10/6/21— by Neal Lemery

Embracing Change

–by Neal Lemery

Change is in the air. The rains have returned, leaves are turning, and autumn is here.

Some change is welcome. Yet, I resist many changes. The old ways of thinking are comforting and soothing, predictable. I’m set in my ways, determined and often obstinate. I most always am thinking I have all the answers, I know all the facts, and I’ve always reached the proper conclusions.

People I agree with have also miraculously reached these same conclusions.

I can blame my attitude on age. But I was at least as stubborn in my younger years. Part of who I am and how I navigate life can be traced to genetics, and part on the times we live in.

This is an age of contrariness, obstinance, and too often, argument for argument’s sake. That feistiness is often wrapped in the blanket of divisive politics and thinking that one’s own theology and morality should be everyone’s correct thinking.

There should be no surprise that our sense of current affairs, that focus on egotism, has persisted throughout human history. Heated politics has always dominated our country’ public forums.

The chaos and uncertainty of the pandemic has shaken our desire for stability and “normal”. Our fears, assumptions, and problem-solving skills have been deeply shaken by the unpredictability, this “facelessness” of cause of this invisible and increasingly fatal infestation. The pandemic seems out of control. Many resist what others, often experts in the field, say are useful and life-saving practices. The issues don’t lend themselves to resolution and harmony.

All this argument increases our society’s divisiveness, making humankind’s informed responses less effective. I am reminded of Lincoln’s phrase: “A house divided against itself cannot stand.”

And, real change requires that I deeply examine my own thinking, my own analytics, and look to correct my thinking and be better informed. I need to be more of a citizen and pay less attention to my ego.

I am but one person. But I can make a difference in this world.

This change of seasons brings us new tasks and new opportunities. We are being called to action, to bring new tools and new viewpoints to old problems and old thinking.

Angela Davis writes: “I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change. I am changing the things I cannot accept.”

Each of us is an instrument of change, a presence in the world for real fundamental change. It starts inside of each of us, and can then spread to friends, families, the institutions we are part of. Politics and society don’t change unless and until we as individuals change. It starts with each of us, almost on a cellular level.

The opportunity for real change is here and now. It starts with me, and with you. Now.

What we need — facts, methods, organizing, communication — are literally in our hands. Change takes time, commitment, and persistence. We each and collectively have all of this, in abundance.

“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson.

9/22/2021. Published in the Tillamook County Pioneer

A Time to Give Back

September seems like a good time to start fresh, to start a new year. It’s the beginning of the school year, it’s harvest time, and the weather is changing.

September is also the new year according to Jewish tradition, and is the start of the ecumenical year in the Orthodox church. It is the historical new year in Russia, and was the start of the new year in ancient Egypt.

A new year is a time of new beginnings, a fresh start, new resolutions to change our ways and to move ahead, adapting to change.

This year, September seems like a good time to reassess how we are living, how we are coping with all the changes and challenges that the pandemic has brought.

I’m ready for a fresh start, looking back, but also looking ahead. We are called to look at the fruits of our labors this busy and often confusing year, a year we have been compelled to make continuing adaptations in our lives. Looking at September as a new year is my way of not only assessing what we are doing, but where we need to be going, how we can be builders of a better world.

Denzel Washington calls us to look inward. “At the end of the day, it’s not about what you’ve done with those accomplishments. It’s about who you’ve lifted up, who you’ve made better. It’s about what you’ve given back.”

I’ve just completed a postcard poetry festival, sharing short poems I’ve written on post cards, and mailing them to a list of strangers, who are also lovers of poetry. They are sending me their poems, too, sharing their creativity and inspiring all of us to bring some literary beauty to the world. I’m carrying that idea further, sharing some inspirational quotes or short poems to people and local businesses that have brightened my life during these challenging times.

We can all bring a bit of cheer to our corner of the world, and make a difference, giving back.

(published in the Tillamook County Pioneer, 9/2/2021)

What I Am Learning From The Pandemic

by Neal Lemery

The last year has taught me many lessons, and I hope I can fully absorb and retain the wisdom of these times. The lessons are often challenging and messy, and I struggle to make sense of these times.

We human beings are very vulnerable to disease. In this age of “miracle medicine”, technological wonders, and astonishing discoveries and advances in medicine, we can still contract a new disease. We find ourselves susceptible to random life-threatening illness. I am not in control.
There are angels and miracle workers among us, serving as true caregivers.
Humans are survivors. We have survived other pandemics. After the Black Death, Europe experienced the Renaissance.
Many of us disregard lifesaving information and medical guidance.
Society is easily prone to mistruths, falsehoods, and deliberate lies. We can be easily manipulated and frightened by deliberate propaganda and gaslighting. Many of the proponents of falsehoods and distortions do not have the best interests of the community at heart. Instead, they are destroyers and terrorists.
Finding truth is a necessary and sometimes lifesaving skill. Skepticism is useful.
Relationships with others is an essential element of a healthy life and personal sanity.
Human touch and social interaction are vital to my health and my daily life. I can be depressed and lonely.
Technology, with its access to information, virtual meetings, seminars, and other gatherings, can be very useful, giving us a sense of connection. We can conduct our business and be engaged in learning from our homes. Yet, those virtual connections lack the intimacy, the “spark” of in-person conversation and true interaction. There’s basic human chemistry in that. We are truly social beings, and need to be physically together to share the most essential aspects of our communication.
We can be amazing problem solvers and managers of new and challenging situations. We are resourceful and creative. When faced with a common challenge, we can pull together and take collective action. Yet, we often find fear in that success, doubting ourselves for being successful; the “not good enough” thinking. It often takes courage to declare that we can be good at managing the Pandemic.
Life is precious. Relationships are precious. We need to gather together to both celebrate and to grieve. Not doing that is painful and often stifles our souls and fuels our fears and doubts. We can be saboteurs of our best intentions.
We can be argumentative, strident, and stubborn in our opinions. Our personal pride and our egos can derail us from attending to our common desires for a better society. We often fail to realize that our anger and divisiveness are really expressions of our passions and our collective desire to be a society responsive to our needs and our goals for a better world. We struggle with the small stuff and often pass by our common aspirations.
I have again discovered the value of quiet in my life, times to be contemplative, reflective, and simply present in the moment. American culture focuses on being ever busy, always “doing”. In the newly discovered stillness, I can appreciate the value of rest and uninterrupted thought.

5/21/2021

Courage

By Neal Lemery

I’ve been reading and thinking about courage lately, which seems to be in scarce supply lately, and much needed in these times. I found some useful definitions.

“Physical courage. This is the courage most people think of first: bravery at the risk of bodily harm or death. It involves developing physical strength, resiliency, and awareness.

“Social courage. This type of courage is also very familiar to most of us as it involves the risk of social embarrassment or exclusion, unpopularity or rejection. It also involves leadership.

“Intellectual courage. This speaks to our willingness to engage with challenging ideas, to question our thinking, and to the risk of making mistakes. It means discerning and telling the truth.

“Moral courage. This involves doing the right thing, particularly when risks involve shame, opposition, or the disapproval of others. Here we enter into ethics and integrity, the resolution to match word and action with values and ideals. It is not about who we claim to be to our children and to others, but who we reveal ourselves to be through our words and actions.

“Emotional courage. This type of courage opens us to feeling the full spectrum of positive emotions, at the risk of encountering the negative ones. It is strongly correlated with happiness.

“Spiritual courage. This fortifies us when we grapple with questions about faith, purpose, and meaning, either in a religious or nonreligious framework.” Lion’s Whiskers http://www.lionswhiskers.com/p/six-types-of-courage.html

Courage comes in many forms and expresses itself in numerous ways. One’s act of courage may not seem courageous to others, but it remains a courageous act. Each type of courage comes into use for different occasions, and different needs.

I think the source of courage comes from deep inside of us. It can spring into action often without any deep analytical thought, and instead, literally rises out of us when the occasion calls for us to be courageous.

Sometimes, when I worry about something, my mind will anticipate and I will analyze how I might respond. I’m being thoughtful and analytical, my brain drawing on past experiences and past “learning”. Old habits and prior learning, and prior conversations with others come into play. Sometimes, it is remembering a story someone told me, or that I read.

More common for me, though, is what I like to think is spontaneous courage. It arises out of the moment, the circumstances, and seems to be impulsive. But, after the crisis, looking back, I realize my courageous act was mostly the product of prior experiences, and the memory of stories I had heard. I often realize that I am more courageous inside of myself than I give myself credit for, that I have some deep values and motivations that I am often not very conscious of. But, that courage is there, inside of me, and is a strong and vital part of my inner self, and arguably, a big part of my soul.

I often look back on an experience and, it is only then that I can see the courage in action, that I did a good thing, and that I acted with courage and with strong moral values in play. At the time of the situation, I wasn’t that insightful, that thoughtful, that aware that the moment required me to be courageous and to act in a morally appropriate manner.

I probably don’t give myself adequate credit for being courageous. I am, I think, deep down, humble an unassuming, and modest about what I can and should do in a situation.

This week, the Capitol guard who diverted the mob from the Senators was also discovered to be the hero in saving another Senator, his actions caught on video and shown to the Senate during the impeachment trial. He didn’t mention his actions to others, and didn’t seek attention and accolades. But, the video spoke for itself, a demonstration of courage and swift action to save another person from harm.

His actions were courage in action, and serve to show him as a hero.

People are courageous in so many ways, and almost always are not recognized for their actions. I think each of us often doesn’t see what we are doing as being courageous acts. But, if we are aware of a person’s situation, the circumstances, the background, we can then take the time to realize that what they are doing is truly courageous. We may not see that, at first. But, if we take the time and are sensitive to a person’s situation, then the courage becomes visible to others.

We can do that with ourselves, seeing our conduct, our interactions, as being courageous acts, brave an often fearless in the moment.

I think it is important to recognize that courage, that bravery, is often alive in ourselves, that we often act with courage, facing our dragons, our self-doubts, our fears, and do great things in spite of our feelings of unworthiness, self-doubt and fear. And, I need to give myself some recognitions that I am often brave and fundamentally a good person.

2/14/2021